To kill or Not to kill oneself?

Day 05 – A time you thought about ending your own life.


The tale goes back to when I was in gr.10. I was not really a popular kid back in Highschool. I didn't have the greatest experience there at a privet school. I was fed up with the jocks and didn't really have a friend in school that I can have meaningful friendship with. In addition, since i didn't really engage others at school, naturally they wouldn't treat me well. What I longed for was friendship. Being pushed around and jerked around since gr 6 to gr 10 at the same school makes you feel lonely. I started to believe in the lie that friendship is all I need in life. True friendship is most valuable possession in the world and that's my purpose in life. To find friends that I am able to die beside. At that time it was so important to me. Naturally I found friends who are loyal, unlike the ones at school. They were not rich snobs and they care about each other. As I began to meet more people and develop more friendship outside of my school, I was happy and felt complete. I was glad that I can be there for them when they are in trouble and they they would do the same for me. Unfortunately, that was not the reality. Some small problem erupted within the group while I remained uninformed the entire time. My best friend at that time left and basically had no contact with me. It was weird because we used to hang out at every other day or at least all the time during the weekend.

That was when i lost all hope. My purpose in life has been shattered into million pieces. I became a very angry person because i felt betrayed by everything in this life. All I wanted was something to hold on to and it was gone. Taken away just like that. That was the low period that I really felt like taking my life because life simply just was not worth living. Since I didn't have any responsibility in life, there really was nothing holding me back. I am thankful that the process was slow. I was too numb to react thus I didn't actively attempt a suicide. I was too tired of everything, too tired to try.....

Then, as I stumbled I heard a very loud Battle Cry...